The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories
by reminiscent-afterthought
Summary: [Post-04, drabble collection] 'Am I going to visit you one day and find you don't remember me'
1. You're Dead

**A/N**: Written for the Becoming a Tamer King Challenge on the DFC (link in profile), Data Forest task. The task is to write a drabble collection focusing on a singular character or pairing, so I've chosen Kouichi from Frontier. Also, since I've started off with Tanemon, an additional requirement is that consecutive fics can't be in the same POV/tense combination, so while multichaps count as one fic, collections count as different fics. So you'll be seeing alternations here: first person, either past or present, and third person present. Each drabble will also be 100 words; not a compulsory part of the challenge, but it's easier to keep track of the word bank, and an additional challenge for me.

Also taking the opportunity to experiment on something I've tried and failed before (there was a word count issue with that one; it's a lot harder to write 10k of dialogue, particularly with the time I left myself. :D)

The first person/dialogue bits are all Kouji addressing Kouichi (for the most part; some towards the end may be Kouji addressing other people). Some are past-tense, aka. Kouji talking about something that has already happened – but later, they'll start becoming (or maybe getting mixed with) present tense.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>1. You're Dead**

'I really thought you were dead, you know. It almost stopped my heart when I saw the staircase blocked off, with your hat at the bottom.

I don't think my brain registered you weren't lying there as well, that it was _just_ that stupid hat – and light blue doesn't really suit you anyway. Why in the world would you wear it?

The policeman pointed us this way, and we ran. All of us, but I wasn't really paying attention then. I just needed to see you –

And you really did stop my heart, lying there, your own heart not beating.'


	2. He's Dead

**A/N:** Third person present tense this time. :D Next chapter it's back to Kouji's dialogue first person snippets. In other words, odd chapters are first person, even are third person present. Not sure if I'm ending on an odd or an even at this point.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>2. He's Dead**

He can become just another sad statistic in the records. It not uncommon, and they are faced with impending death so often they cannot cling to the threads of hope that flutter in their face.

They can try, but that's all. Emergency first aid, when what the hospital can provide. Oxygen. Monitoring heart rate. Defibrillation if the heart flat-lines. Sign a paper if it all fails. Continue appropriate care if it succeeds.

It's always sad when children die, but they have to comfort themselves with the others they save.

Still, the wait before confirmation of life or death is hard.


	3. You're Alive

**A/N:** Back to Kouji.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>3. You're Alive**

'Your eyes look like someone painted them with watercolours, and you're so limp on that gurney. I'm touching you, grabbing your shoulders, and there's not even a twitch. You'd jump a mile if I grabbed you like that in the Digital World – but this isn't the Digital World, where rebirth follows.

My heart plummets; it hits me then, that you could really be –

Nothing can stop me desperately shaking you, screaming, crying – nothing, unless you sit up and tell me you're fine…

Except you're suddenly staring at me, eyes watering, and saying my name, and I still can't stop crying.'


	4. He's Alive

**A/N:** Coming along slowly but smoothly, which is always better than a fast crash.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>4. He's Alive**

He's alive, though he almost died.

He's lucky. Most aren't sure _how_ survived; they only know he did. Some aren't sure about the "has" yet, because head injuries are fickle and there's no such thing as being out of the danger zone with them.

He's closer to the edge than he was ten minutes ago: eyes brimming with tears is a definite improvement to eyes looking like they were painted with watercolours. And an ECG that regularly spits out a short beep is better than an ECG droning a long monotone.

He's alive, and they can all go from there.


	5. I'm Not Dreaming

**A/N:** Back to Kouji.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>5. I'm Not Dreaming**

'You're alive. You're alive, alive. Conscious. _Talking_ – though everything blurs together afterwards from relief, and the Doctors kick us out.

It's like I've just noticed the others are with me. Takuya, Izumi, Tomoki and Junpei, all looking worse for wear but relieved and drained…like I'm probably looking now.

But you're _alive_, and it's hard to think about anything else. Because you could have been dead – _we're_ dead, that time in the Digital World, and what it took for us to reach you, and even now it seems like something could vanish like the wisps of a dream…

But you're _alive_.'


	6. It's Not a Dream

**A/N:** I didn't realise how many drabbles I'd need to write to pass the minimum number of experience. :D Good thing this idea's taking a while, huh. Writing-wise, I'm up to drabble 18 now, but there's still a ways to go.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>6. It's Not a Dream**

He thinks everything is a little fuzzy round the edges and muddled, but that doesn't seem important. His brother's warm body clutching him tightly is real, real enough for him to reach out and for Kouji to grasp his hand.

The cries of their other friends are real as well, and even if he can't make out what they're saying, it's enough to hear them, see them there. Enough to feel them embrace him, his brother holding him up. Enough to feel their tears fall, their warm hands clutching him tightly.

It's enough for him to hold them and cry.


	7. I'm Tired

**A/N:** Did I just write one that didn't need any editing to be exactly 100 words? Apparently so. :D I suppose it could happen once in a blue moon.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>7. I'm Tired **

'I'm so tired, now. I hadn't even realised how worried and hyper-alert I was until it all drained away, like losing the adrenaline at the end of a long and gruelling fight.

I guess this was a fight too, in a sense. But your fight more than mine. I wonder if you're this exhausted as well – but that's good then, right? The fighting's all over, and nothing's going to sneak up on us now. We can go visit 'kaa-san together, and I can pick up those flowers for Satomi-san, and you can finally talk to 'tou-san like you always wanted…'


	8. He's Tired

**A/N**: Running out of stuff to say in the author's notes… :D Enjoy.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>8. He's Tired**

He's barely focusing as the Doctor asks him questions, but he answers them all. They're simple question: his name, where he lives, what he'd been doing – and the last is the only one he tumbles upon, starting on a tangent about a fallen angel before switching to falling down a flight of stairs.

The Doctor notes it down, but doesn't think much of it. After all, dreams aren't uncommon on the fringe of death, and the patient looks half-asleep anyway, now that the struggles and tearful reunions have all passed.

He drifts off asleep when the Doctor takes his leave.


	9. I'm Scared I

**A/N: **Yay, baby photos!

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>9. I'm Scared I**

'I'm in my room and alone, trying to fall asleep. It all looks the same – since we didn't even spend twenty minutes in the Digital World, our time. But it's too similar, you know, because there's no sign of anything having changed. There are no scars, no marks – we didn't even take down each other's numbers because we hadn't notice our D-scanners had turned back into phones.

There's not a trace of the Digital World left, except memories. It's so easy to think that you could have been a dream too – but here's a baby picture to tell you're not.'


	10. He's (Kouji's) Scared

**A/N:** This was a tricky one. And the first third person one focusing on Kouji. And last, now that I've finished the fic. :D It's at thirty drabbles; a nice round number, and all of them are exactly 100 words, so I'm proud of that.

I'll update every two or three days, depending on my uni schedule. If I forget, feel free to remind me. :D

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>10. He's (Kouji's) Scared**

Shocking revelations can easily be second-guessed, and Kouji was doing exactly that.

The house looks the same as it always has. They haven't talked yet either. Kouji doesn't feel sure enough to start, and neither adult does so.

Kouji finds himself at the sparse albums, searching for some proof: proof of his brother's existence. Proof it wasn't all just a dream, that he doesn't return to the hospital (or visit) to find no Kouichi there. But there is only him.

Luckily, his father sees him, and understands, and gave him photos he'd never seen before. Photos with both of them.


	11. You're Scared

**A/N: **It occurred to me in uni the day after I posted the last chapter that I should have another one from Kouji-speak to wrap things up a little better, so now it's 31…which isn't _too_ different from 30 I guess. I'm happier with this conclusion though; it adds something that was missing from ending in third person I think.

But that's a ways off for you guys. Enjoy.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>11. You're Scared **

'We made a pretty cute pair as kids, you know. As alike as peas in a pod, but as different as the sun and moon as well. We looked almost like the innocent twin and the evil one – except you didn't look quite that innocent and I wasn't that grouchy. Apparently, I didn't like photos back then any more than I do now.

I can look at this photo for now… but you don't have anything like this. I hope you can sleep easier than me – you're not lying awake scared it's all just a dream and you'll wake up.'


	12. He's (Kouichi's) Scared

**A/N: **I totally forgot to update and no-one reminded me. :D I guess it was the fault of all those HP comps that were due in recently. Still got three more due in the next day or so, but hopefully a bit of breather after that.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>12. He's (Kouichi's) Scared**

He's not lying awake, because he is both mentally and physically exhausted. But he jerks awake soon after falling asleep, and he passes much of the night this way. When he awakes, he's exhausted, lying like a dried fish in a tiny pool of water: just enough to live, too tired to struggle, but not enough to do or even think about anyone else.

He just stares vaguely at the ceiling, appearing hazy and grey rather than the moonlit white it should. And it seemed haunting, eerie and unfamiliar – but he was half asleep and couldn't think what _was_ familiar.


	13. I've Fallen Asleep

**A/N:** Aww, I'm making these guys suffer so much, and we've barely started the real plot of this story.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>13. I've Fallen Asleep**

'I think I slept, finally. Not for long, because I woke up red-eyed and heavy headed, but it was morning, and last I knew it had been before dawn.

It hadn't done a thing, except brought the morning around faster. Dragging myself out of bed doesn't make it seem appealing in the least, but I know I'm going to see you and that's a bright spot – I think.

I put the picture of us next to Mum's, so it's easy to spot when I wake up. Perfect for soothing nightmares…but it's not good enough, you know. It's not you now.'


	14. He's Fallen Asleep

**A/N:** And poor Kouichi suffering from the aftereffects of falling down stairs. Well, I am a med-student. :D Although my specialty'll probably be cancer, not neuro.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>14. He's Fallen Asleep**

He wakes up fully with the sun streaming in through the windows, though it's still a hazy scene, and he can't keep his eyes open for more than a minute before he closes them, eyes stinging.

He doesn't open his eyes again until someone asks him too, in a voice he doesn't recognise but feels he should obey anyhow. When he does though, spots dance and stab at him like swords, and he chokes on the bile rising in his throat.

Something is shoved into his hands and he clutches it. It is cold and firm and comforting but unfamiliar.


	15. I've Got a Headache

**A/N**: This one just tickles me for some reason. And sorry for the late post again; I got caught up with HPFC comps that were due by the end of this month. There was just too many of them...and I'm amazed I'm down to the last one now. Unfortunately, there are a few non HP challenges too...

The life of a challenge addict. :D

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>15. I've Got a Headache**

'I know you're the one who fell down the stairs, but I had a headache soon after waking up. You're not sending it through some weird twin-channel are you?

Aspirin's good for sleep though. Satomi gave me some, and I crashed for a few hours. Luckily I hadn't bothered getting dressed. The headache's gone too; 'tou-san thinks it was the lack of sleep, which it could have been. Or you could be feeling sick, and I can't stand having to wait until after lunch to see you.

Waiting sucks. Headaches suck too; I don't get them very often at least.'


	16. He's Got a Headache

**A/N:** Past tense this time; somehow didn't work in present tense. Still fulfils Tanemon's requirement.

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><p><strong>The Fragments I've Caught of Dying Memories<br>16. He's Got a Headache**

They put curtains around his bed to block out the rays sneaking through the ones that covered the windows, so he could open his eyes without throwing up again.

That was after the Doctor managed to convince him to let go of the waste paper basket, that is. He'd been embarrassed, but the Doctor smiled and left a nurse to offer him breakfast.

His stomach grimaced at the very thought, though the nurse made sure to come back later with the meal. He ate then; he wasn't hungry, but he still didn't feel 100% and was tired and needed energy.


	17. I'm Asked

**A/N**: Some more family sneaking in. :D

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>17. I'm Asked**

''tou-san asks me how I'm feeling after I'm up again. Better, I say. What else can I say? I had trouble sleeping, a bit of a headache – if nothing else, I can claim I inherited them from him. He sleeps with sleeping pills and is a coffee addict, though he's a lawyer so I suppose he has his excuses set as well.

Satomi asks me as well, and I give the same answer. She doesn't press as hard as 'tou-san would, but 'tou-san's worn out too, so he doesn't either. They shouldn't worry anyway. You're the one who was hurt.'


	18. He's Asked

**A/N**: Some more family sneaking in. :D

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>18. He's Asked**

The Doctor asks him a string of questions, starting with the one's he's becoming all too familiar with: his name, his birthday, today's date… then moving on to more involved things. Like asking him to blink, follow his finger, move his arms and legs. He managed the first alright, and did a passable imitation for the third, but following the finger made him dizzy and he'd lost it in a few seconds.

Then the Doctor asked him to tell him about his friend, and Kouichi thought and thought and didn't know if he was just muddled or knew too little.


	19. You're Asleep

**A/N**: Totally forgot about posting this again. Even with backlogged chapters I don't post regularly. *sigh*

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>19. You're Asleep**

'I finally see you again – because time just drags when you're waiting, you know? – and you're asleep.'

Honestly, Ni-san, your timing couldn't have been worse. If you hadn't looked so pale and scrunched up, I'd have shaken you awake. Don't think I haven't done it to Takuya before, because I have.

Except you look like you need the rest – better rest than what's causing you to be tense like that, even in your sleep. You're frowning a bit, you know. Why? Is there something in your dreams?

I wish I really could hold your hand and chase those demons away…'


	20. He's Sleeping

**A/N**: Forgot again. When I finish writing, it's the posting that's the issue…

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>20. He's Sleeping**

He is sleeping again now, but it is as restless a sleep as his night one and he's not getting much rest from it. Instead, he's wandering through flickering shadows again, lost and feeling as though he's loosing something more every minute…

It was like the shadows were shaving him of something, running up and down his body and making him shiver, and while it brightened a little each time, it also became harder to see.

He feels someone touch him suddenly, and his skin recoils from reflex; the touch scratches a little, like the uncomfortable feel from unfamiliar grass.


	21. I Woke You

**The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories  
>21. I Woke You<strong>

'I've woken you, and you don't look startled, just confused. Like your eyes are still seeing a dream even though they're open. Like they're not seeing me, even though I'm the one in front of you and now those dreams.

It takes a little longer than I expected for recognition to dawn on your face, and a little longer for you to say my name. Was your dream that important, Ni-san? Do you have to try and commit to memory before you can look at me?

I think I'm sorry I woke you. I should be, because you're still recovering.'


	22. You Woke Me

**The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories  
>22. You Woke Me<strong>

He is confused when he awakes; he sees a shadow in front of him, and he recognises it, but for a moment he can't work out from where. He remembers it framed by the sun, he thinks, and he remembers the other cackling with electricity as he clashed with…something?..in mid-air. He remembers tears too, he thinks –

And then the context starts to fit in. Him chasing his brother through dreams; them crossing swords on opposite sides of the battlefield, his final moments in the Digital World, and then waking up again on a hospital bed…

He is properly awake now.


	23. Time Passes

**The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories  
>23. Time Passes<strong>

'The world just doesn't stop. I've got school; you've got a few more days in the hospital to recover, then bed-rest at home. Things just go on, and even though we were together for a bit, we're apart again.

Part of me is relieved my old life is still there, but most of me feels…unsettled. The Digital world was my life; it _became_ my life. What I'd left behind feels like a sad imitation now.

Talking to you on the phone is so strange; you sound distant, like you're confused or can't remember or you just can't stay focused…or something.'


	24. Forgotten Times

**The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories  
>24. Forgotten Times<strong>

He's been discharged now, but he still has trouble with his focus and his memory. He still spends too much time in dreams, with his demons. Even when awake, he can stare at something and then be lost to them, his eyes glazing as they stare at shadows that don't exist on the living plane.

Holding a conversation with him has become more difficult; he'll drift off without meaning to, and no matter how horrible he feels, it's something he can't help. It makes him nauseous as well, trying to focus for too long.

They hope he'll get better soon.


	25. I'm Scared II

**The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories  
>25. I'm Scared II<strong>

'You'll get better; that's what everyone says. But will you? Or will you forget me one day as well, like you forgot your appointment yesterday, or what I told you the day before?

It's frustrating. It's just so…frustrating. All I want to do is talk to you, and see you, and I can't do either of those things. I am talking to you, I guess, but it's not the same. I know the you from the Digital World would have responded; you're just listening now.

It's selfish of me; I know. Kami knows how _you_ feel, constantly confused like that…'


	26. He's (Kouichi's) Scared II

**The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories  
>26. He's Scared <strong>

They say he'll be whole again in time, but he feels like a jigsaw puzzle missing too many pieces. He knows his family and friends feel it too, whenever he loses a conversation partway or whenever the shadows slink into his gaze and he's staring at a different part of the world when he can next see again. Or when he thinks he's fine one moment and tries to do something, only to throw up again the next.

He's sick and tired of it, and he wants his life back – but he can see those once-invisible shadows now to fight.


	27. You See

**A/N**: Keep on forgetting I haven't finished posting this…

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>27. You See**

'I can see a lot of things I couldn't before; things I missed in the Digital World, and even things I missed while you were in the hospital. But now you're home and where you belong, and maybe things have settled down a bit for you too.

Things are _obvious_ now. Like how you stare so blankly sometimes. Like if you do something too quickly you'd get dizzy, even if you seem so used to it. Like how restless you seem lying down, how you're constantly looking at shadows both there and not…almost as if you couldn't see them before.


	28. He Sees

**The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories  
>28. He Sees<strong>

He can see shadows he couldn't before, shadows that are lit up by his family and friends. Shadows that had always been there, but invisible, like what Cherubimon had wrapped around him. He can see those now.

And he can see the things he took for granted, as well as the things he now clutches desperately too. It's enough to stop him ever regretting – because no matter what he loses now, the lost boy he'd been before is something he can never go back to.

It takes more now to hold him together, but they do it, because they care.


	29. I Ask

**The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories  
>29. I Ask<strong>

'I ask you every day if you remember. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but you manage my name. Our names, even if the others haven't come with me.

Some days though, you forget the Digital World entirely. As if we met in some undefined place with four other kids, and we've somehow shared something and become friends. That's how you say it, and you sound so confused because you know there's something important missing, but you just can't remember it.

Those days you'll be pale and nauseous and unable to get out of bed.

Other days…you remember it all.'


	30. Important to Him

**A/N**: One more to go! :D

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>30. Important to Him**

The important stuff might take a while to recall, but he's never forgotten. Details he does forget, and while it does get better in time as was said, there are days where he's just feeling sick and his memories are just intangible fog.

He remembers his family and friends: faces, names and familiarity, and that's about all. The other information comes and goes, as though his brain knows it's not as important, that when it's in one of those achy moods, it can leave that information in a draw…

Because he knows now he'll never forget _them_, no matter what.


	31. We'll Always be Scared

**A/N:** And…the conclusion! Semi-happy, semi-sad, but it works out. Yes, the injury will never heal 100%, but the off-days have reduced from what they were, and for most days Kouichi will be perfectly fine. He's still recovering now; it's been about a month or so from the hospital, but as he continues to get better he might start going back to school and doing his regular things every other day. It sort of killed the theme when I put those drabbles in in my head-draft, so I omitted them. It's open-ended sort of self-explanatory though, and if I was going to go through all the repercussions, I'd have written a full length fic. This was touching on one particular thing…which I realised about five drabbles in wasn't so easy to put into words. :D

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><p><strong>The Fragments I Catch of Dying Memories<br>31. We'll Always be Scared**

'I don't think that fear will ever go away, that fear that I might lose you, or you might forget about me. Time moves on, but I still have nightmares about you dying, or forgetting me, and those shadowy demons you see but never really talk about still haven't gone away.

I guess those things won't ever go away, even when we have less memories, even when most days now we can almost forget you once hit your head…

Except it's always at the backs of our minds, and your mind. We could wait with baited breath forever for the other shoe to drop.'


End file.
